The Commando Drinking Game.

September 8, 2007

Somewhere, somehow, someone...

Quite possibly, one of the most insane and dangerous things I’ve done lately is play The Commando Drinking Game. I know what you guys are thinking, does this involve drinking while wearing no underpants..? WRONG. It involves taking a shot during selected moments of the greatest film ever made, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s masterpiece, Commando.

The rules are as follows:

The beginning of the movie 1 Shot
Matrix feeds a deer 2 Shots
A member of Matrix’s squad is murdered 1 Shot
Matrix says a cool post-mortem one-liner 1 Shot
Matrix blows something up 2 Shots
Somebody says “Val Verde” 3 Shots
You see Matrix in Speedos 2 Shots
Matrix uses a farm tool to kill somebody 1 Shot
Bennett threatens somebody 2 Shots
Cindy freaks out 3 Shots
Matrix’s watch beeps really loud 2 Shots
General Kirby says “World War 3” 3 Shots
Mall Security Guard talks tough 2 Shots
Matrix says “Jenny” 1 Shot
Matrix gets arrested 4 Shots
Every time there is an obvious goof 1 Shots
Cheesy 80s music begins 2 Shots
End of movie Finish what is left

If any of you have seen the film, then you know how insane this game is. Before the opening sequence ends, players are already subjected to at least seven shots. Luckily for us, we replaced shots of liquor for shots of beer. Within 15 minutes, all participants demanded a half-hour break. By the 25 minute mark, two of the three players dropped out citing health concerns. By the half-hour mark, the final participant folded. All in all, nearly 30 beers were consumed within an hour and three cases of liver cirrhosis were diganosed. All participants were unable to operate heavy machinery and one participant vomited violently throughout the evening and into the morning after.

I thought that I was walking into this game a brave solider like Arnold himself. In the end, I curled into a ball and wept for it all to be over quickly.



  1. I so doing this at my next get together!

    Daddy? NO, not DADDY!

    Great movie!!

  2. You guys are bunch of pussies.

    Come to Finland we will see that god damn movie in repeat for the whole weekend.

  3. I played this with my buddies and by the time Matrix got arrested none of us could even see the movie anymore!

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